Blacks Beach DTR Retaining Cone Conversation!

So as many whom have been watching my blog for a while know that I have been focusing on restoring my foreskin and being a slow progress have gone through lots of ups and downs but for the most part have kept trudging on.  Well this past Saturday I went to Blacks beach (clothing optional beach) here in San Diego with a friend.  Normally when I go I don't keep any devices on but this time when I was getting ready to take it off before I left I thought why am I taking it off? Am I that worried about what people will say in person?  Why honestly care about the opinions of strangers about my body?

So I went with it on.  Usually I dont strip at Blacks until I get to my spot and have been lying in my speedo for a while.  So like normal found my spot took about half an hour then stripped and stayed on my towel.  After about three hours we were both ready to go because the sun was starting to go down and the wind was making it slightly chilly.  Normally at this point I put at least my speedo back on before walking back up the beach toward the exit but this time I had decided that I was going to stay naked until the spot where you have to put cloths back on.  So right as we were standing up packing up our towels a guy walking by stopped and asked about my cone.  At this point my heart starts racing a bit because talking to strangers while I am naked is not common for me.  Anyways he says that he has to ask about my device because he had never seen anything like it so I take about 10-15 minutes to talk about it and it was really cool he actually had no idea about being able to do what I am doing and asked about the name of it so he could look it up.  It was really cool to have a positive conversation with someone about it.  Hope everyone is having a beautiful Monday I know I am.  Heute das Wetter ist schön! :)

new found drive

Hey everyone hope all of your weeks are going well.  I just wanted to do a quick post today explaining a little of why I haven't been posting a lot in the past year but all of the sudden have made many posts this week.

So two weeks ago from this Saturday I was officially on spring break and decided that this was going to be the first year I actually do something on spring break.  So I pack my bags and headed off with a roommate to beautiful Yosemite National Forest.  Once there I turned my phone to airplane mode and there it remained for 4 days.  For those four days I was out of touch from everyone and pretended the world didnt exist outside of camping and hiking.

The first day I could for sure feel all of the stress and hustle and bustle leave my body.  I hadn't realized but moving to a city made me a bit more hustle and bustle and also more stressed about everything.  Over the year and a half of living in a city for the first time I lost track of life and felt like I had no time for anything.  But that was not true after getting back I have found there is lots of time for everything even with studying and going to class there is still time for fun and writing and meditating.   So the trip was absolutely beautiful I will post a few photos below to share.  The first night it snowed then we hiked the next day the sun was hot so all the snow was falling off the trees the whole day then the second night was clear and beautiful to sit around a fire roast marshmallows and watch the stars.  The third night it snowed again and then about 2pm on the fourth day we headed back out of the park away from the brisk air into country and eventually back through the cities and back to San Diego.  It was one of the most amazing trips to get to go out and enjoy nature like that.  I can't wait to do it again.  So since I had a sorta reset and feel like I have more time I have been just writing posts left and right.  Going out to the forests and mountains helped my brain to relax and now I can think again.

To Truvada or not Truvada?

  So lately I have been hearing a lot of information on PrEP or taking Truvada lessen the risk of getting HIV.  This is my personal opinion along with a few sides that I have read a little bit about.  The Truvada pills are pills that an HIV- person would take that would build up the antibody defenses to protect from the HIV virus.  Some of the research I have seen have said that it reduces the risk from 75 to above 90 percent., None the less all of the research I have read have stated that it does reduce the risk.

This reducing the risk has spurred many sub groups in the gay community calling those who take it whores and a bunch of ugly names.  Why is it that whenever a group is excluded from main stream when they get stabilized they start excluding people that were helping their cause that are not just like them.  We are in the 21st century and I think judging someone because they want to go out and use their body the way they want to is wrong we should not discriminate because they are doing what they want to do.  As long as all parties are consenting who are we to say anything about it.  Sound familiar oh two guys can't have sex with each other.  Really doing the same to other people for their preferences that you don't want others doing to you.  Wake up!  I can not be the only person that sees this. I personally dont like having sex with a ton of people but I do have a few friends that I may from time to time have sex with just like a lot of young adults.  The main debate is that many think this will give an excuse not to wear condoms but instead when used in conjunction with condoms would make a relationship with someone whom is infected with HIV a little less scary. Condoms are not 100% protection from anything people even have babies from wearing a condom and it not having broken.  And it isnt for anyone to judge but the decision of the people having sex if the other person uses condoms or decides they dont mind the odds with just taking this pill.  I have noticed that a lot of us Americans like to police others but hate when we are policed.  Why can't we just let people do what they would like to do as long as they are not causing you to get hurt or not disturbing you directly then why is it your concern?

 I may not take Truvada but I think it is an amazing discovery that it can help protect against getting HIV that means we are one step close to a vaccine and maybe a way to eradicate the virus.  I can say that HIV scares me to death and scares a lot of people.  Many of those scared such as myself have no idea how we would react if one day someone said you are positive.  Look at how limited the dating world becomes.  I feel really bad for those whom acquired the disease. I think I have finally grown and opened enough that I would not just leave someone solely because they mentioned they had hiv.  Granted I think for a bit I would go into a little bit of a scare shell and need some time to process but people with HIV are still people and love goes past an illness or disorder love for me should be unconditional and that would not be a reason for me to leave someone.

For us to stigmatize others for wanting to protect themselves is silly.  I believe the drug should be a lot more affordable and those at high risk should have easy access to Truvada.  If I had access to it I would talk to a doctor about myself getting on Truvada not to have sex without a condom but to protect myself more.

 I know I can never force someone to open their minds to other groups but I do hope my ideas in this post and my blog help start an internal dialog and maybe just cause your brain to question even just a little.  That is my whole goal of writing and posting and living in itself to to help open others to new ideas and help those whom need someone to walk in their shoes.  I will be that person to walk a day in your shoes.  Feel free to message and explain your story and show me what a day in your shoes are like because I love the feeling when my mind opens up a bit more.  As always have a wonderful day all :)

Have we kinda moved into our own little islands?

  So three weeks ago I was listening to a guest speaker in one of my classes whom was born in South Africa and he was talking about how the America media and news has a huge impact on what their countries feel and think.  Also he explained that Americans have huge sway on public opinions in Africa.  So he is one of the chairs for one of Africas largest LGBT organizations and he said when stone wall was going on that is when lots of changes happened in south Africa as well because they saw how people were standing up in the time that followed stone wall and that really helped their government pass gay protections in their constitution.  But he explained that the media has slowed down on the push for gay rights because many groups have found their areas that offer then and start to become slightly complacent.

All of this got me thinking.  When choosing a place for college why did I really choose San Diego?  Out of all the other Coastal states I could have picked I ended up coming to California and SoCal for the weather. I feel a part of the decision was that I had grown up in an area where I was afraid of being openly gay so that made going to a state that had a lot of protection in place easy.  But when I got here I started to get comfortable I stopped following so many coming out blogs like Davey Wavey and my friend Shannon in Australia because everything seemed less important until this guest speaker.  Although written protection is in the southern Africa constitution there are still killings in the streets because the constitution is expensive to buy for them and also many people are not able to read the technical language to understand their constitution.  All they have is the media influence of their country and other countries such as America.  I personally feel we have been focused on Civil Rights and when an area gets that a lot of us move to that area happily and stop worrying about the bigger picture.  Many innocent people in the world are being murdered for whom they love how is this right that as a major stance we don't put out a major stance against this.

With pride quickly approaching this year I have for sure changed my mind set.  I am not going just to party and to celebrate but to spread global awareness.  Pride first started as a protest to push the bubble on gay rights and now I feel like I want to spread awareness of world pride and world Human Gay rights for all.  I would love to see in the next year or so America as a nation come out with a global stance for Human Gay Rights.  To stop all of the violence, imprisonments and killings around the world.

On a final note one thing I didn't realize was there are a few church groups actually sending out members to spread LGBT hatred to the leaders of the worlds countries such as Uganda which is part of why a kill the gays bill just passed there. I feel like as a country we have so much ability to do good in the world.  We may not be the country with the most equality for the LGBT community but we could become a leader in spreading human rights.


Sitting with my last day of spring break being tomorrow I am doing some reflecting.  I don't remember the last spring break where I had nothing due afterwards this one included.  For the first part of spring break I actually got to relax a little and went up north to Yosemite National Park it was absolutely beautiful with the weather being a bit cold and snowy.  I went and disconnected from the world for 3 days all I had was my phone to take pictures a tent and hiking gear.  It was amazing growing up in the country and then moving to a big city I didn't realize how much I needed a get away.

But after that I had to return with an exam on Monday it didn't leave much relaxing time.  I have been thinking if I am truly learning any information in college or just memorizing for the exams.  Many college and hs students actually only memorize to get the good grade or the extra sticker on a high school diploma.  I have to admit I included with taking Spanish in HS.  I truly don't remember any Spanish and now live in an area that uses it frequently.  I took the class for an honors sticker taking the class serious enough to get a good grade and then forgetting it because there were to many other tests that I needed to know all the info for.  Are we truly learning more by having such a competitive system.  I feel like in college I am partially doing the same thing I did in HS except that now I am learning more about myself as I grow and change.  I am for sure finding new parts of me and opening my mind up some days a little at a time and some days huge chunks all at once.  As for information though I feel like my past history classes I could tell you maybe 5% of each class but that is about it.  I feel like our focus with tests has become so much that HS students fight so hard to get into college and then go straight into college still burnt out from the rush and the cycle never truly ends until possibly once a career starts and then it is more work and not learning focused.  When even for spring breaks the time we are supposed to have to recharge before the last bit of the semester is filled with studying and hw.  When do we start seeing that it doesn't work for learning it just forces temporary memorization.  I feel like we need a new way and I am not completely sure in what direction we should go but I feel like at least trying different and new options will start to lead us onto a track to be able to learn more and be able to function intelligently in every day life.

The good kid.

Sorry guys I am really overwhelmed and depressed tonight so this one is going to be on something that has been warring on my mind for quite some time and just keeps growing.

As you may or may not know I strive to be a good person I strive to not conform but to be open minded and accepting of all others.  Lately I have been feeling more lost than ever.  I personally dont like the way alcohol makes me feel and I dont believe that I need other substances to make me feel good. For my body this is a fake happiness that I know would wear off.  That being said I have never and plan to never partake in any substances that have not been prescribed.  I guess I more stick to the kid values that I am not supposed to take those which is okay with me because I just dont think i could handle them to be honest.  I dont judge those whom do but I have been feeling so much pressure that many are hard on me especially for not drinking alcohol.  This pressure crashes over me so much as that it makes me feel like I am not included into the gay community.  I have been feeling really lost lately and honestly just wish there was a place that accepted me for me.  Before I was of age people were like okay you just want to follow the law but now it just feels like I can't be me anywhere.  I thought I could be me in the gay community but I have to trade being judged for liking guys to being judged for not following gay social norm.  For a group that fights so hard to be discriminated against from my own personal experience if you dont quite fit one of the set molds then you are discriminated against by the group.  I have felt this driscrimination not only toward me but also those whom are Bi, Trans, or those whom just arent stereo typical.  One thing I can say this world knows how to take people who care about things and harden their skin.

Sorry for the rant but I needed a place to just let it all out.


Bi boys

Happy new year all! I hope you all had an amazing holiday season and I hope you all are enjoying the new year so far.  My new year has been very good but a little busy.  For new years eve I went to a rave with my house mates which was alright for the first 2 hours after that I really wanted to go home.  For me rave music is really hard to dance to.  Anyways today I wanted to talk about bi boys.   

In the culture I came out in it was taught to me that Bi boys really didn't exist that it was just people slowly coming out.  I was told guys are either gay or straight.  This didn't make sense to me but I was in a new world so sadly didn't really question it.  Lately I have made two Bi friends which has been a wonderful eye opening experience.  I love when I learn new things and can open my brain up to new possibilities.  It only makes sense that Bi exists.  Almost everything in the world is on a sliding continuum so why not sexuality.  There is light and dark and everything in between, there is good and bad and all those in the middle and so many other continuum's.  So I see it just like being vers. one can like both genders.  Also there is everyone in between also to where some straight guys would kiss their best guy friend or maybe let someone fool around with them a little but still see themselves as mostly straight and also some gay guys that really like playing with breasts or other things but consider themselves gay.  I believe that only an individual can define themselves and that anyone else should not judge them based on anything else.  The amazing thing about being humans is that we are all different and that is what makes us beautiful so categories really are too general.  I am me and my friends are themselves always changing and growing in new directions.  

Hope everyone has a great weekend :)    

Is Adderall cheating?

Tonight on my way to my night class on the floor of the elevator was a school newspaper.  The largest caption on it was Is Adderall cheating?   This got me to thinking about several things and being a college student I can see it from multiple angles.  Adderall is a drug used to help those who suffer from ADHD and helps the person taking it to focus.  Now I have been through some sets of month where I can not focus on anything and school was almost impossible to get through.  So I have thought about looking into Adderall from time to time but have never taken it so I can not say for sure anything about the drug itself.

My first thought is that if adderall facilitates learning by helping a student focus then in no way is that cheating.  The thought of cheating and expansion of the definition has over the years become more and more broad and many things have been added to it.  So much so that if we keep being so worried about it I wouldn't be surprised to study groups before exams to start to become seen as cheating.

More disturbing is that Universities are driving students to want to use help for focusing more in class.  University is a place that is supposed to facilitate a higher order of thinking not just regurgitating facts, but being able to analyze situations and uncover the facts.  University has become a glorified High school.  Students go and are expected to take in this vast amount of information.  With needing to know all this information students are forced to memorize it and to be able to focus on all of a students classes along with life it is no wonder they are looking toward these avenues.  I have to say yes I have had one or two classes that have helped me look at the world with a more open mind and help give me the ways to analyze situations as a person whom has been through university but these are far and few between.  This makes getting a degree just truly a piece of paper.  If I were an employer I would want someone with very good analytic skills over someone just with a degree and a bunch of useless memorized facts.

So overall I personally see that adderall is not cheating but a way of helping focus and get in more of the information that needs to be memorized for some test.  Where the problem is for the university is in the way classes are structured.  As always I welcome all comments and appreciate hearing all sides.  Thanks and have a wonderful week. Namaste :)

Gay Puberty
Hey everyone.  Wow the summer has flown by many ups and downs for me.  Mostly down a lot lately but it was explained to me that I am basically going through kind of a second puberty.  Yay that sounds like fun right?

So what causes this gay puberty of sorts?  Well to say the least inexperience of relationships that is normally learned during normal puberty years. After coming out I went through my first real crush something that usually happens at about 12 years of age but since I was cutting the true me off it never happened at that age.  So a few months after that there was my first guy that I thought was my bf but he wasn't.  He has said that he was just to get in my pants so inexperienced me I believed him.  Then after that was my first real BF that only lasted a few months but was amazing.  What ended that was the fake person that contacted me and catfished me.  Yet again inexperience.  So after that I have been in San Diego and had a FWB that I feel like is playing mind games with me now but he may not be it may be that subconciously I am making things up because maybe I am a little attached, but this is unhealthy and has been causing tremendous pain.  I guess all the parts I need to go through to grow and become the amazing person I am meant to be.  But this FWB is what I have been stuck on lately and I really like him as a friend but it hurts that we used to spend so much time together and now I feel like he is ignoring me.  Doesn't listen to what I say and I feel like I am his back up person to cuddle if he can't find anyone else.

Anyways that is where I am currently at.  I know I must go through the tumbler to become shinny it is just tough from time to time.  Stay strong everyone and know if you ever need someone to talk to I am here with an open ear and an open heart.  Stay strong everyone and have a great weekend.  

Pride 2013

    Hey Guys long time no write for me I know.  Been a little busy with life work and pride lately.  Speaking of pride it just ended here in San Diego Sunday night.  I had a blast I am really thankful for having great friends that I got to spend it with and grateful for making new friends to celebrate pride with.

So San Diego pride was much different than  any of the other prides I have written about and I have to say that it was not what I was expecting.  So I was expecting a lot of go go boys and lots of speedos but that wasn't necessarily the case.

So leading up to pride I had worked 5 days straight the most I had ever worked straight.  My first day off was Friday so I had a lot of prepping to do especially since I didn't know what to wear being my first big pride.  So first thing I did Friday was to watch Devil Wears Prada because my friend was making fun of me for never having had seen it.  I then needed a hair cut which was a 20 min trolley ride and a 20 minute walk there.  Got that errand done and decided I needed at least one new outfit.  So I went to Ross which was right next store and the they didn't have very many things in small.  My next store to try was Marshals and I found luck there with one outfit.  White shorts and a blue DC Shirt.  After that I went to Aeropostal and got a tank top since I only had one in my closet.  After finding that I ran home and ate something quick when my friend picked me up to take me to the Stone Wall Rally in Hillcrest San Diego.  During the Speech I sat in the front with my friend that drove me there in the ASL section so I got to chat with some of my friends from deaf coffee.  At the rally I got to meet my first celebrity since I have been here in California.  I meat George Takei.  It was really interesting and he had a really good speech explaining about stonewall and what happened and what pride stands for today.  I recorded much of the speech but haven't put it together off my phone yet.

After the ceremony I called it a night and crashed in bed.  Saturday was the day of the parade so I got up early and took a shower and threw on the shorts and tank top.  We got to the parade early and ate breakfast at the pita Jungle It was really good but my friend ordered a pitcher of mimosa.  I dont drink so it was just for him.  I felt bad but drinking for some reason causes me to be depressed for three days or so after.  So the parade started before he finished so I went out front and watched as he watched from inside the pita jungle. I was supper excited for my first pride parade.  It was actually kind of a let down it was more of a bunch of political floats and junk fliers.  There was a few floats with some boys on them but not many.  It took about 4 hours for the parade to go by due to lots of gaps.

Next was the pride festival I needed to go in a special gate due to volunteering for pride this year so my friend J that I live with went through the regular gate.  At the volunteer gate they kinda shuffled me around a little bit I guess they didn't realize which side had my name on the list so it took a while to get in.  once inside my friend D who was also volunteering at pride over the weekend introduced me to a really cute guy.  I wanted to stay longer and chat with him but needed to hang with J since I came with him didnt want to ditch him.  I felt like the cute guy I met was way out of my league to even talk to me but he had a really nice and friendly feel to him.  It is hard to explain but even with only getting to say hi I could tell he was a good nice guy.  later I find out he thought i was cute also but that he is taken.  I accepted that pretty quickly cause I barely knew him and want to be his friend first.  So anyways hung out with J at the festival and got went to the trevor project booth and had gotten a picture together it was a fun day but I got sun burnt.  Nice tanktop tan lines lol.

Sunday was my volunteer day for the youth zone for SD Pride.  It was fun met a lot of new people and was worth the three hours to get into the festival for free.  After my volunteer shift I ate and got to hang out with the cute guy from Saturday.  It was a lot of fun and he signs so he was helping teach me some signs I didnt know.  Thankfully he was patient and I hope he had a great pride as well.  I was very happy to have gotten to meet him and I hope we get to hang out more often even if it is just to practice sign language I can feel he is a really nice and friendly guy.  So someone who would be a good friend :).  Hope everyone has great prides.