Why I love being gay! :)

So I am thinking I may make a series of this post of reasons why I am glad I am gay.  So today brings me to the first of potentially many reasons of why I love being gay.

Today on my way out of my Chemistry lab I was walking down the path and something that has only happened a very few times happened.  Lately my confidence has been on an upward trend and normally I just steal secret looks at guys and never notice anyone paying any attention to me.  Well today I looked at this cute guy with dark hair and brown eyes right in his eyes as we passed each other and I watched his eyes follow my body. I was thinking in my head win but then I did that you walk about 5 steps and look back over your shoulder only to notice he did the exact same thing.  It is nice to be noticed and appreciated by someone you are noticing and appreciating.  I just love when this happens to me :).  Also lately I have been asking myself if your not in the gay scene or using Grindr or Jack'd or any other hook up site how to you find other gay guys around you.  This was the answer to my question today.

As always feel free to comment-- Hint hint.

Have a great day :)

Friends with benefits?

Friends with benefits can be a tricky subject with many different sides and many different views.  I have mixed views on having friends with benefits but over all I see that they have potential to be good.  A couple of months ago I became really good friends with a really nice guy.  

I was a a point where I really needed a friend someone to cuddle with, hold me, and be there when I needed someone to talk to.  That is when I met Jake he quickly became that friend and has helped tremendously from letting me stay at his place on the weekends to hanging out and enjoying delicious food together.  I am very thankful for my FWB.  

But, that being said for me it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows.  After the first week I kept telling myself I wasn't going to fall for him, but I fell quickly.  Falling for your FWB can be one of the more common things to happen due too all the cuddling and everything else.  I knew I had feelings for him but was very afraid to say anything worried it would ruin what we had.  Also Jake had feelings for me as well just not the same so I kept getting mixed signals.  So how to work through one person having more feelings than the other?  

Communication: One of the most important things in a friendship, but is especially important in a friends with benefits relationship.  I say this because both sides need to feel like they can be completely honest about what they are feeling and willing to work through them however it is need to be worked through.  Sometimes just talking things out helps with the whole thing.  In my case it took us a while before we communicated but it is gradually getting better with more and more happening each day.  Some days are still harder to communicate than others but for the most part communication is more open now.  

Time:  Time can be another really important thing.  As time goes on just like every friendship you go through the stages of forming, storming, norming and performing.  You grow closer as friends and sometimes the lines get a little blurred but as long as the communication is open then with time the friendship becomes more valuable.  With that being said though friends with benefits can take up a large amount of time.  Fun time and enjoyable time but i have realized you have to be careful and still stay true to what you like to do as well.  It is really important to have your time to do what you want or need to do.  

Overall Friends with benefits is not for everyone and could even just not be the right time for it, but there are times where having a special friend to help you through the rough times even just someone to enjoy spending time with is invaluable.  I am really happy to have my friend Jake.

Midterms

Hey guys sorry I haven't been on lately and this will probably be the last post for about a week and a half due to having midterms this week and next week.  Busy life of a college student I guess lol.  But I wanted to pose this question to see what your guys' views on the subject is.  So the question is how do you feel about friends with benefits and hookups?  Everyone has their own opinions and  ideas and I want this to be a safe place so please don't hate on someone because their views don't match up with yours. Thanks everyone have a wonderful week.


Ps. Here is a cute guy to look at until my next post enjoy! :)

Opening our minds

So some of you may know from following my facebook page that I just recently started to learn ASL ( American Sign Language).  This recent interest has created a lot of change in the way I see the world.  Another thing going hand in hand with my mind developing in a positive way is all the information I am learning in my world religions class about the psychological aspects of Buddhism.  Such as treating yourself as you would your best friend, and going about your day treating others as if they are also your best friend.  Knowing that if someone is upset it isnt saying something about you but more about where they are at in their journey.

Anyways back to the main topic of this post which is my learning ASL.  So what got me interested in wanting to learn?  Well I have been interested in it for a long time but never enough to actually start learning until this semester.  I am currently taking my first class with a deaf student in it.  Actually it is my world religions class so literally choosing this class has completely changed my way of thinking.  So setting in the front of the class was the interpreter and Sally, not her actually name.  But, they were both up front signing and I was watching them the whole class for several classes. Seeing the emotion and the actual flow of communication really drew me in.  I also started to think here is someone whom I am unable to speak with completely due to something she can't control.  I wanted to be able to say hi and ask how her day was going but I wasn't able to.  So I did some research online and found a free site to start learning ASL I taught myself how to finger spell and say hi.  The next class Sally was holding the door open and I just simply signed thank you.  Just that simple gesture lit up her face.  Just to see her exited made me feel really good.  So then I went into class and sat down in my seat and went on with the class.  I still watched from afar trying to pick up on some of the signs used between Sally and her interpreter.

After class I needed to talk to the teach and so did Sally so as we both waited to talk to the teacher we communicated a little bit.  I signed my name and she signed hers and we continued talking until it was her turn to talk to the professor.  It was so cool but at the time I didn't realize I was going to learn and grow so much more than just knowing sign language.  The next class we met up after class and Sally showed me some signs and we just talked thankfully she has some hearing and can read lips really well.  So me being new to signing she has helped me tremendously.  I found out that I made her day.

So I have learned so much.  Many of the same issues the LGBT culture faces like the discrimination the though of us being less than is very similar to the way many treat those whom can not hear.  It is disheartening that they are treated as if they are not as smart or not as healthy as everyone else they are treated as sub-par humans.  This is similar to the way some communities treat our community as well.  So I could completely empathize the feelings of what was going on.  Before meeting Sally I had no idea that this was how the deaf community was also being treated.  It all came as a shock.

After talking to Sally after class she told me about the campus ASL club and also about ASL night at a local coffee house and I was instantly hooked at learning as much as I could.  I have been going to the club and the coffee nights and learning lots and lots.  I have learned a lot about the school I attend and how San Diego State University is very deaf unfriendly and also learning a lot about deaf culture.  There are so many things about deaf culture that is so amazing and fascinating. So much that I wouldn't even know where to start and I also feel as if it is not mine to share yet.  fore I am still learning everything, but I recommend learning a little bit more and spreading your wings.  I can say I have done some amazing changes to my self thoughts and the way I perceive the world.  All for the better and am able to help more people each and every day.  I welcome you to spread your wings most deaf people don't bite and who knows you may from time to time actually have the desire to have been born without hearing just to feel more apart of another culture and way of thinking.  Thanks guys have a wonderful day.  Namaste

Advertising

Hey guys hope things are going great for everyone! If there is ever anything you need help with I am always here and check the site email daily.

I wanted to take the time today just to inform everyone about my advertising policy.  Although I welcome comments on my blog.  I would appreciate that advertising for other sites and blogs be used in comments.  That doesn't mean you can't post links to other sites just make sure it is completely related to what is being commented on and not for your gain of views to the site.

Now with that said about the comments, I will gladly look at sites and if you want me to post up link to your blog for you.  As long as I see it as being helpful and good I will post a link up just as I have a link to Shannon's blog and Davey Wavey's blog.  Please all I ask is that you send me an email and ask instead of just posting it in a comment.  I love to help other bloggers as much as I can.  I think blogging is a great thing to do and welcome anyone new to it.  Thanks guys have a great and wonderful day!

Namaste

P.S the blog email is in the right hand corner of the blogs main page just above my picture.  Thanks guys :)

Real or Not Real? That tis the question

How do you know when someone you talking to is really whom they say they are?  What if someone whom you thought was completely real turned out to be fake?  Someone you thought you loved and someone that you imagined spending your life with.  Well that is exactly how one of the hardest stories of my life starts off.

It all started in late October early November of 2011.  I had gotten a Formspring account a few weeks prior and had gotten a message from a really cute guy (picture posted above).  Yea I did question his realness at first but as we continued to talk he became more and more real.  He went by the name of Josh I know a year ago in my posts you will find some talking about how amazing and wonderful he was and a whole bunch of stuff and how I was so glad to have him in my life.  Anyways our conversations started on Formspring but I quickly received his email and we started talking through email.  I was really falling for him we talked about everything and he seemed like the most caring and intelligent person I had ever met.  

Then the world series for baseball was on and we would watch the games at the same time. I have never been much of a baseball fan but I was rooting them on for his sake and it was his idea we watch it together kind of thing.  So I felt even more connected through rooting for the same team and doing something at the same time with him. 

At this time he hooked me in and got me completely hooked into him being real by having a very tragic story of his ex having had taken his life the past Thanksgiving and that it was a hard time of the year for him.  This connected me emotionally and I was hooked and didn't listen to anyone around me after this point.  

Then things started to get tough he had a jealous side and I couldn't even hang out with my best friend without him getting mad at me and then I couldn't even leave my room for more than 5 minutes or he would get mad if I left my phone to somewhere where I couldn't message him right back on Formspring. 

My first red flag should have been when I was only given his profile picture on FS and that was it just that one photo he said he didn't want any getting out and about on the internet and that he only wanted just this one photo.  Then the next red flag was how I was starting to be cornered away from all my friends and family that it was like I couldn't do anything without his permission.  I was a prisoner of someone on the internet brought on by my emotions.  I couldn't get away I was strapped into an emotional roller-coaster of just enough happiness to keep me going but lots and lots of depression.  We scheduled to meet several times but never did that work out something always came up on his end.  

That was when my family and friends started to intervene, but sadly by then it was much to late for me to have listened.   Well I didn't completely not listen I did start asking more to be able to skype him, get his phone number to be able to send him a letter, know his hs, or something to be able to know he was real without directly questioning if he was real.  I started researching his name, I started looking up the things he was telling me like when he said his grandma died.  I couldn't find an Obituary anywhere but I shrugged off all the red flags.  I think many people when they get into similar situations they just want to believe the person they are talking to.  

Then it came to me actually questioning him this was right after one of my friends emailed him telling him to stop to completely stop messing with me and to vanish from existence because he was hurting me and causing me to be very depressed. I asked him if he was real and said that he wouldn't send me any pictures and that I really thought he was fake.  He brought the argument back on me saying how dare I accuse him and used some really manipulative language to make me feel like I was the one in the wrong so I continued dating him but things kept going down hill. My confidence was gone my rationalizing skills gone and he kept talking about taking his life and being very suicidal.  This was another thing that got me to keep trying to make the relationship better.

It was when I left for San Diego when the nightmare finally came to an end.  I got to the dorms and my amazing roommates were very supportive right off the bat. I have never met a more caring group of guys before (especially college guys).  Well I ended up getting the courage to tell Josh that I was done riding the roller-coaster and he took it as I was done with the relationship too. Which at the time I didn't want to be but wasn't going to fight it either.  So after that I had gotten some pretty scary threats and was actually afraid for my life.  But then my roommate asked if I had ever reverse image searched the photo.  I hadn't probably one of the first things I should have done.  When I did I found out that it was a fake photo that it was a models photo and used on a Russian text book in 2008.  I couldn't believe it the guy I was talking too was maybe not a guy and definitely not the person whom this person was supposed to be.  I was still very scared of the threats probably for a whole month and a half after but my roommates kept on me.  They made sure I was working hard at ignoring and not replying to any of the messages.  I am glad to say after 10 months being in the fake relationship and several months to find myself again I am finally free of that burden. 

It took me until now to have been able to fully and completely sort out my feelings.  Yes it was a terrible thing to have happened and I would not wish it upon anyone not even "Fred Phelps" (lol), but I forgive whomever did it to me and I feel bad that they had to create this fake world to have someone care about them.  

So if you guys take anything from this please take away that number one don't mess with people the way this person did (I called the Trevor Project several Times), and two be very safe on the internet trust no one until you get to meet in a very public setting and can actually sit down and talk.  Yes I did have the training in school about stuff like this but I always thought I would be too smart for it to happen to me.  I learned I was wrong, not about my intelligence but, about thinking it was intelligence based.  It is a game of the heart and even just having compassion for every person you meet if you are not careful can make one a target for a fake person to hook you.  

Gay lifestyle, Gay Agenda

This guy makes some amazing points in his talk on TED check it out.  I really like the way he lays it out and talks about it. He is funny and informational.  I have a new post coming soon.  It is just taking me some time to get it written. Thanks everyone :)

Just wanted to share this cutie I saw on my facebook wall

Big thanks to San Diego Life guards and the fellow surfers whom helped me out.

     I have really been working on my surfing lately and was out on Saturday.  The waves were a bit small and the white water had hardly any power on Saturday.  So I was out trying to catch the unbroken waves which were about 2 to 3 foot tall and trying to ride them in.  Wasn't doing bad just couldn't stand up in the unbroken waves but was able to start feeling them out through riding the board with them. So it was about 20 minutes till my friend was going to get out of his class I was starting to count down the waves till I had to pack up. (Its the only way I can get myself to get out of the water).  I was going for an unbroken wave and I guess just barley had enough speed to catch it but was at the wrong angle and fell off my board.  felt like all my other falls no biggie.
    As I am starting to surface the wave still had a hold of my board and it smacked me in the back of my head.  It didnt hurt other than like bumping my head, but I put my hand to the back of my head and there was so much blood.  All of my first aid and cpr training had temporarily vanished I had no idea what to do other than try and make my way for shore. As I was exiting a nice Australian guy asked if I was okay and I told him I was okay and just trying to make my way to shore. So getting up to my stuff I set my board on the beach and had no idea what to do no life guards near by because it is still winter time. A group of surfers about my age come over and ask if I am okay and I told them I didn't know what to do.  I had blood running everywhere all over my board thankfully somehow missed my wet suit.  So two of the three ran off to call a life guard and the other one stood there with me.  I grabbed my half drank liter water bottle and started to poor it over my head.  That is when I started to think it was worse than what it was because there was so much blood.  After rinsing it out even though I was having trouble remembering first aid I instinctively grabbed my towel and applied pressure.

   It was about 10 minutes before the guards got there they were about a mile away from where I was surfing they checked out the laceration and asked if I wanted transported to the hospital. Thankfully I declined.  They were so helpful they used compression bandage and wrapped my head checked my body temperature and my pulse and let me go just in time to thank the surfers and catch my ride.

   All in all it was a great surf session other than the minor laceration to the back of my head and the fin my thick skull broke.  I am still healing but so thankful it was above my hair line and also that the fin broke instead of continued to injure me.  So I am very thankful to the kind and helping surfers and lifeguards who helped me with my injuries.

PIctures

Hey Guys wanted to do a really quick post of some of those pictures I did a couple of weeks ago.  I know I haven't added any recent photos of me so here are a few. Hope you guys like.